up to two weeks ago, coffee was always a big part of my routine. i wouldn’t have been able remember the last time i had went through the weekdays without at least two or three coffees. as a matter of fact, i had it down to a science; i knew the types of drinks i wanted and when: a flat white (or cappucino) in the morning or evening and a triple shot iced latte anytime else. i would go out of my way to try new cafes (or go back to the right one) and even planned vacations around exploring new cafe cultures. naples. melbourne. seoul.
so what happened? well, i guess coffee came up at a bad time. it accompanied me through mornings where i didn’t want to wake up, mornings i couldn’t wait to get started, nights where i wanted everything to end, nights i didn’t want to end, and everything in-between.
so maybe it’s unfair on my part. but on that morning, that wednesday, i got up and went to get coffee. it was nothing new, my standard order, the only difference being that it took the barista quite a while to make. it was no problem for me and i didn’t mind at all. so, as i do, i checked my phone. i looked out the window. and then, i saw something that really just kind of flipped my world upside down. my world, at the time was, admittedly, already pretty gloomy, so this hit me really hard. my heart sunk. what was it you might ask? honestly, i couldn’t tell you anymore. an arrangement of things in a way that made me realize i had been too late, that i was on the wrong track, that i had done everything wrong? and maybe it wasn’t even that. my brain had a different conclusion from my heart. and unfortunately, all i could do was pace around and put my head in my hand. it felt like 15 minutes standing up there waiting for my drink.
when it came, i didn’t even know if i wanted the drink. but as i walked down my usual route, i sipped on the cappuccino as the rain sprinkled ever so lightly. it didn’t feel like i was walking or could walk. my head spun. i couldn’t finish the drink of course, and dumped half of it into a bin.
since then, i haven’t had any more coffee. I’ve always been a big tea drinker too, so i find myself fine with more oolong or earl grey or iced chai lattes in my life. At night, i often have chamomile with honey and milk.
to this day, things haven't gotten better.